Unfair extrapolation

"Interests
Karaoke - I thrive on the confidence that karaoke gives me"

This sentence just screams to me "I am shy and pathetic in real life, but alcohol and a microphone makes me loud and aggressive". I know this is drastically unfair but these ideas pop into my head and I write them down, kind of like tourettes blogging.

Don't embed a photo - FOLLOW UP !

So, I had my suspicions about "Don't embed a photo" too (see the post 3 down - 28th Nov), so I replied.

I indicated that I couldn't understand why he would send me the picture as shown and perhaps it was a mistake. Here's the (unedited) reply ;

"the truth is that the recruiters in the UK are as lame
as the ones in AmeriKa ... when i find a job
advertisement that i am qualified for, that has a
recruiter that is so pompous that he or she can't see
their shoes without standing in front of a mirror ...
who obviously is not going the give me the time of day
... i send them a copy of my 'resume' ... the facts
are correct and excessively understated so as not to
frighten the recruiter or the employer ... employers
do not want anyone smarter or mor experienced around
because they are afraid the might look bad ...
congradulations !!! you are the first person ever to
recognize the photograph ... and you have to be over
50 because the 20 somethings do not have a clue .."

Needless to say, I shall be ending our short and torrid relationship right there. I think someone is a few tacos short of a combo platter.

You do what ??

"Hobbies
I enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians"

Tastes like chicken apparently.

Questionable Hobbies

"Hobbies
Playing with Boy scouts"

Thanks to Louise at UKrecruiter for this one.
Remember folks - engage brain into first gear before accelerating typing fingers !

Don't embed a photo

I'm not really sure how to approach this and I can understand why you wouldn't believe this has happened, but it has.
I received this resume with an embedded photo. This is not unusual, but this particular candidate decided the best approach was not to embed a photo of himself. Oh no, that would be far too easy.

Perhaps an image of someone younger and more handsome than himself ? No.

How about a picture of serial killer Charles Manson ? Almost there.

Just got to open up MS Paint and color in the eyes and put some fake blood on the lips. Yup that's the ticket.


















Inexplicable.

Purile and childish

I know. but the name..

"Sittiporn Suwankumpoo"

just makes me smile.

Promotion

"Promoted to Shit Leader and responsible for a team of Engineers."

What was your previous position ?

Buy...or die.

"Training Courses
Sales techniques - Bogota Colombia"

It's a sweeping generalisation regarding Columbia I know - but the thought of drug lords conducting sales courses amused me.

Me so cool

"I own a tool kit, including an anti-static wrist-strap. Home or office call outs should be less than one and a half hour away by public transport or my Reliant Rialto"

Oooh, you've got a $5 wrist strap ! I'm sold.
Wait ! What ? There's more ???
A Reliant Rialto ?













You're so classy in your three-wheeler.

Personal Improvement ?

"Hobbies
...Liposuction..."

Fair enough. Not sure I'd call it a hobby, but it passes the time I guess

Following the main resume came this...

"I have some inventions for sale.
Some are certified , some are completed and the others are not certified or completed , only ideas . These ideas may have a very big value for who is concern or interristed in. Far from political effects , helping any human and any company at any country , for helping peace of the world . The new products may help me or anybody in the future .
**********
(1) New very simple device to measure the far distances approximately .
...
(6) Very simple device to have electricity from air power .
...
(9) New shape for the keyboard and screen .
...
(11) Fast methods to remove ice from streets and in the sea at the way of ships .
...
(19) Improving Fax-machines .
...
(25) Paper not easy fired.
...
(37) Stopping the current of volcano faster.
...
(39) Electronic mirror.
(40) TV with some improvements.
(41) Methods very udeful for fidhing boats.
...
(45) Very fast printer.
(46) Easy storing files (( believe me ))
...
(49) Tele-Computers.
(50) Textile stronger for ballons , car wheel , fluids insulator ( not rubber). "



The others were equally bizarre, but my personal favorite was "(4) Anew shape of pencil product ."

The terror of translation software

"Am to think in exercise to my career of Engineer Electromecânic in kingdom and am to send him my curriculum to some companies among the whom to your. company

Stay to await the better proposal.
Go To send him my curriculum in Portuguese for be one curriculum very technician.

Of this form Find good him curriculum be translated in your office, so that him understand well.
Some doubts contact me.

I write and speak ingles but for work Very in Portugal this wants use, is
one subject of one month in Land for adaptation."

I appreciate that his English is probably still better than my Portuguese, but this is still pretty funny.

Interesting role

"I'm intrested to here more about that. I'm working today in a furniture factory as a drawer"

OK, OK, he's a CAD draughtperson and drawer is another name for it, but it made me laugh.

Accountants. tch.

"Why do I love accounting

My passion for accounting started since I was a child. Not because I knew at
the time what accounting was, but I loved working with numbers. From the first days at the school my uncle told me that "X" is a wild beast, and I have to chase it.

After catching it gave me lots of pleasure. Apparantly that was the start of
my interest and passion for numbers, which later on became accounting. "

wtf ?

On a covering letter.

"I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person"

What a shame spell check doesn't check for stupidity too.

Thanks Mo

Received this (and just this - no resume) in an email.

"Covering Note:
HERE ARE MY RESUME AND IM NOT SO INTEREST IN YOUR JOB THANKS MO"

errr, thanks for letting me know. Perhaps I've got some other jobs you could be not interested in ?

Eh ? What ?

"Date 03/96 To 02/00
Most of the jobs and the dates at witch I worked I am unable to recall. "

Good party huh ?

Proofly reading prefeshurnal

"Dear Sir/Madam:

With this letter I would like to present and offer my services as professional proofreader.

In certain moments of the editorial process, you could have some extra needs, and you could have to make use of the services of a freelance proofreader like me. I am prepared to offer so fluent, fast, serious work and good rates that our profesional relations will be good for the two of us.
For these reasons, I beg you to see attached C.V., I hope you will find attractive and good to your needs. For further information, do not hesitate to contact to me. I will be willing to help you.

Looking forward to hearing from you"

Need I say more ?

The first day of dumb

Received this resume a couple of months ago. OK he's only young but hey, what a way to sell yourself.

"My Ideal Company
somewere were if i wanted i could work my way up to a better job a place to meet different people make new friends"

Oh ok, but only if you wanted right ? We'll try real hard to find a company dedicated enough to you.

"My Interests
...i like to have a laugh wid me mates"

Not - "I'm sociable and communicate well with others, enjoying pleasurable evenings out'. No, he likes having a laugh wid his mates.

"Availability: i have no job at the moment"


You surprise me.